I Was Sold a Bill of Goods

Note to my realtor: I want my money back. When I moved here nearly three years ago, I was sold a bill of goods. Okay, that's unfair. My beef is really with the weather gods, and the Wake County School System, in equal measure, as they share the blame for causing my feelings of being flat-out gypped.

It was with nine parts glee and one part melancholy that I sold the sleds and all but one snow shovel at our "We're Leaving Colorado for Warmer Climes" Garage Sale back in the spring of 2007. We had multi-rider gliders, souped-up saucers and snow shovels built from (I think) titanium. We had shovels for wide berths and tight fits; lighter shovels for those days when it dumped only powdery snow and industrial strength shovels for heavier duty accumulations. The snow blower -- Ha! We laughed! -- was given to my father-in-law, who would surely need it more than we would in central North Carolina.

And then the weather gods laughed.

It snows here. In our past two winters in central NC, it has snowed appreciably. And since I pray at the Murphy's Law of Weather Church, I'm the one who doesn't run out to Ace Hardware the night before an impending storm and buy the saucers made from recycled yogurt containers. I don't buy my kids snow gear. For I know that the moment I do either of those activities, the front bringing precipitation from the Gulf Coast will veer off course, miss the collision with the front bringing frigid weather from the upper mid-west and merely send Myrtle Beach two inches of rain. Yes, Triangle-area school kids: You thought you were responsible for this storm because you all wore your pajamas inside out and put spoons under your pillows on Friday night. No no. Thanks to me, we got five inches on Saturday and my son had to play in the snow wearing a pair of my ski pants held up with an extra wide paper clip.

But the weather gods were also kind, for they sent the storm late Friday night and into Saturday. The risk-adverse Wake County Schools wouldn't have to close schools, and we could all enjoy frolicking in the falling snow on Saturday and digging out under a warm sun on Sunday. You see, North Carolinians, that's how this works. You have your fun, but then you clean it up and prepare for the school and work week ahead. I may have to offer a class at the Learning Annex, because few here seem to get that drill.

It is now early Tuesday morning, and I am preparing for a second day of no school (and by preparing I mean drinking my coffee uninterrupted). Those of us from the Northeast and Midwest -- and there are quite a few of us in C.A.R.Y. = Containment Area for Relocated Yankees -- scoff at the notion of clean, DRY roads deemed by Wake County to be unsafe for travel. Yes, some of the outlying roads my still be slushy, but if people are living in outlying areas, my guess is they have a Hemi. Those things are built for more than duck hunting. Put it in four wheel drive and get Junior to school. I heard one of the Wake County Public School's brain trust on the news last night say that he was concerned for high school students who are not skilled in driving in these conditions. How else are they going to learn, dear sir, other than to drive in it!

I moved to North Carolina knowing I would have more bad hair days than good, but rectified that in my mind by foolishly believing that my shoveling-induced groin pull days were behind me. I hoped that the kids were old enough to remember their Colorado snow days for those might be the only ones they experience. Now even my five-year-old questions the judgment of those in charge. Had I known the temerity of the school system, I would have taken the Colorado garage sale money and purchased bubble wrap; I hear Wake County will soon require it worn as an outer garment for kids daring to walk to school.